I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
