My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize