you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
