Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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