how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
