I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
