I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Let's get the cat blown out
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
