Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
