I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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