The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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