Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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