Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
