Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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