one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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