I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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