You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
