I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
