You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
