I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
