when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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