i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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