His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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