Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
