youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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