when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
