we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
