while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
