I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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