Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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