did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
