they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
