i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
