o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I think im going to throw up on grandma
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
