I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
