You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
