I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
