I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
please come you make the beer taste better
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
