Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
