is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
