Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
