it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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