A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
