This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Acid is not a monday night drug
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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