With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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