Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
