for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
