Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
