my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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