No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize