Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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