Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Couch. On fire.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
