who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
