R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
