My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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