I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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