Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
