This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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