He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
