Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
