Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
