My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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