I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
