I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
