I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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