I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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