I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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