my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
