sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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