I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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