I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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