Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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