Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
