I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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