my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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