"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
