why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
