dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
