I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
