I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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