At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize