Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(224): View more from Illinois

his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.

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(305): View more from Florida

You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.

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(310): View more from California

i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic

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(585): View more from New York

they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.

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(561): View more from Florida

This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!

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(714): View more from California

A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers

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(415): View more from California

I did not marry a roomba.

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