he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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