i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
