dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
