it wasn't lemon gatorade
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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