We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
