Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
home. puking in laundry basket.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize