I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
